4 out of 4 stars
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I must admit, I approached the book, Jaynie, by Jayne Verity with some trepidation. Memoirs can be strong, evocative, and encouraging, or, as is too often the case, they can be dismal self-pity parties. Although the author has valid reasons to subscribe to the latter, I was pleased to discover that Jaynie is not only firmly in the former camp, but is an excellent example of what a good memoir can do.
At the beginning of the book, we are introduced to a twenty-something Jayne. Addicted to painkillers and negative self-talk, she suffers from low self-esteem and she finds herself in a position where although she feels selfish, she is really self less. She lost her voice and her core more than a decade earlier, when at ten, she became the prey of an older boy she trusted. As she moved through her life, she swallowed her own psychological pain resulting in severe physical pain, which required multiple operations. During this time, she continued to suffer abuse from trusted authoritative figures in her life.
Yet, as the author recounts this, she does not whine for our attention. She tells her story in a fashion that does not demand sympathy. The facts are presented and she pulls no punches in recognizing her own culpability in her actions as an adult struggling to deal with the issues caused by her childhood.
Even at the beginning, we recognize that despite her crushed and distorted essence, she is a courageous and strong (much stronger than she realizes) individual. She is determined to find help, to break the dependence on her pills and to escape the past which haunts her nightmares. With that in mind, she turns to Delbert Wallis, a therapist. From the start of their relationship, she has doubts about him and his methods, but she is unable to resist the hold he has on her. Will he be her saviour, her demon, or both? This book tells the story of her seven year relationship with this manipulative man. More importantly though, it tells the story of her own growth, her ability to move forward, despite, or perhaps because of, the way he treats her. Jayne finds within herself the ability to help her inner child, Jaynie, and together they begin to move through the darkness of the past and into the light.
It is a journey. And the road is often harsh, demanding and almost impossible to navigate. As a reader, I found the journey uncomfortable. How much more difficult it must have been for the author. This is Jayne’s journey, but it is also the journey of anyone who has lost their voice, their essence, their self. Through Jayne’s account, we can learn to find our own way. We can learn to speak up, to be noticed, to demand what is rightfully ours – our life.
The author, Jayne Verity, has a worthwhile blog http://write-to-heal.blogspot.ca/. I suggest visiting it before, after or during reading this book. She is a strong advocate for ethically-centered therapy. She is proof that one can escape a negative past and use it to build a strong foundation for the future.
Jaynie is not a book for everyone. There is harsh language which is vital to the story. The author even suggests those who are sensitive might want to skip one section. I think, though, once you are invested that far into the book, it is well worth continuing through the most difficult of areas. It is a book that I would recommend to most people who are capable of dealing with the emotional and psychological turmoil. I especially recommend it to anyone who is in the midst of their own healing path. Depending on where you are, though, you might want to give it a try and, if necessary, put it aside until you are ready. Eventually, though, it should be read. It is empowering.
It is evident in the voice of the author that it was a difficult book to write, and there is no doubt that it broke her at times, but this only served to build her back up stronger than ever.
It is obvious that Jayne wrote this book as part of her healing, and it could have remained that, tucked away in a drawer for only her eyes. I, for one, am glad she chose to share such a deeply personal story. With this book, she accomplishes the one thing Delbert Wallis was right about. She did become a fantastic therapist. I am sure this is true in her daily life and her volunteer work as well. For that reason, despite a few typographical and grammatical errors (especially in the more intense chapters), I give this book a 4 out of 4 stars.
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Bad Therapist
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