How to Win Friends and Influence People
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How to Win Friends and Influence People
So instead of punishment he advocates sincere empathy and encouragement, but cautions that it will only work if it is sincere - "I am not advocating a bag of tricks. I am talking about a new way of life." And nothing will work on some people - it's telling that while several people skills examples in the book come from Abraham Lincoln, in a section on marriage Carnegie describes Lincoln's abusive wife and how the only solution Lincoln found was to try to keep physical distance from her. But as Carnegie says, "It is naive to believe that you will always get a favourable reaction from other persons when you use these approaches, but the experience of most people shows that you are more likely to change attitudes this way than by not using these principles - and if you increase your success by even a mere 10 percent, you have become 10 percent more effective as a leader than you were before - and that is your benefit."
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― Terry Pratchett
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Yes it's from the 30's but its advice still works.Artemisia wrote:This book is forever old isn't it? Don't think I finished reading it at school age.
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Has anyone read anything else by Carnegie?
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It has been awhile since I read this book but I recall one instance where a salesman, who couldn't ever seem to make a sale with one particular customer, upon one visit began by admitting to the customer that he didn't expect to make a sale but just dropped in for a quick visit. The salesman, then using Carnegie's advice, began to schmooze the potential customer by admiring something in the office which spoke to an interest of the customer. I don't remember what it was. Maybe it was trophy fish mounted on the wall which the customer had caught, or something like that. The attitude of the customer immediately changed and he took great delight in the opportunity to talk about his hobby by engaging in a discussion of whatever his particular interest was. The seller patiently asked questions and allowed the man to pour out his heart ... the result .... the salesman makes his first sale with this guy.
The customer was actually subconsciously thanking the salesman for allowing him to talk about his interest even though he may not have wanted or needed the thing he purchased. Personally I find this type of tactic reprehensible. I see this type of tactic used from time to time, and not only by salesmen. My reaction is to put as great a distance between myself and these dispensers of dishonesty and manipulation as possible.
Now, in fairness to Carnegie I think I also remember him using terms like "genuine interest" on the salesman side of the story, but if the salesman were "genuinely" interested in whatever was being discussed the discussion would have taken place long ago.
Carnegie's philosophy can be summarized by the following: "Brown-nose everyone you meet." .... and yes, you will have many friends ... but are these the type of friends you would really want, knowing that their friendship was purchased in some cases with the equivalent of lies and insincere flattery? And are YOU the type of friend THEY would really want? Maybe - till they see through your smoke screen, and realize that you are a fraud as they surely will in time.
― Steven Wright