Everything I Never Told You

[Birksmle13]

"Lydia is dead. But they don't know yet." So starts the novel by Celeste Ng, tackling the challenging subjects of family, race, identity and communication.

The story focuses on the Lee family from the death of the favored child and the impact of her death on each family member. It shows in flashbacks and present time how each member of the family became who they are at the time of Lydia's death. It gives some hard to read moments that deal with concepts that the modern reader may not be able to relate to or fully comprehend but also (at least or me) gives the reader a look into the challenges of the previous generation where women were expected to be housewives and the husbands were the providers of the household, where the shape of your eyes and ethnic background determined so much about you and how one moment could affect each person differently.

Through the stoicicsm of the patriarch, to the feeling of failure from the mother, to the overlooked eldest son, to the golden child and lastly to the forgotten child, each character drew some sort of emotion from me while I read the book. While I would like to say it drew some positive emotions, all I can remember is the frustration and anger and sadness that I felt reading this book. It never felt like any of the characters did anything that grew or developed them or the book really moved anywhere and the ending was a bit obscure. At times the parents were hard to sympathize with and made me think that even with this tragedy, they still learned nothing and would move on with their lives doomed to repeat themselves and their mistakes.

It did make for a good discussion for book club as people from this era of more open communication, multiple ethnic backgrounds, and family experience struggled to understand how something so simple (talking) seemed so difficult.

Everything I Never Told You is an easy read that will make you think about how you would have done things differently as a parent and as a child.

[starlite1033]

I decided to read this book based on: 1. The high number of positive reviews it received, and 2. Due to its basis of a multicultural family, which I found intriguing as my own family is multicultural.

The book starts off with the middle daughter, Lydia, of a middle-class family presumed to be missing and eventually found to be dead. The rest of the book discusses possible circumstances and suspects that may have contributed or directly led to her death. We know where she died, but not how she died until the end of the book.

This book is set in the 70's. It is about a multicultural family (Chinese father, White mother, mixed-race children) living in a small town in Ohio. The family desperately want their kids to fit in, as any parent would. However, the kids find it hard to fit in as they are often isolated from their schoolmates for being, or rather LOOKING different. The parents especially wish for their middle child, Lydia, to fit in. She is considered the prettiest of the 3 children because despite her black hair and Asian features, she most resembles her White mother and she has blue eyes. Her parents favor her on her looks alone. They expect a lot from her. Her father wants her to be popular and buys her nice gifts that he doesn't buy for his other kids. Her mother wants Lydia to be intelligent and to become a doctor; something we later learn she herself wasn't able to do because she was married and got pregnant young, at which point her husband preferred she stay home and care for the kids. Lydia's mother goes so far as to check abd correcf Lydia's homework each morning, whicb she doesn't do for her other kids.

The pressure from her family is too much for Lydia. She fakes being popular in front of her parents by pretending to talk to friends on the phone, when she is really talking to a dead line or offering homework help. She fakes being intelligent in subjects she struggles with by hiding bad test grades from her parents. She eventually befriends a "bad boy" to boost her reputation, but they develop a genuine friendship and we are lead to believe they are secretly dating.

Eventually, all the pressure from Lydia's parents and peers becomes too much for her, and she "disappears". This is where we start learning the back story of the other characters. We learn that Lydia's father is a first generation American and faced a lot of discrimination trying to get a professorial job due to his being Chinese. We learn how Lydia's mother gave up her dreams and ambitions for love, only to regret it later and become bitter about it.

One of the primary themes viewed in this novel is how each parent tries to relive their failed dreams and ambitions through their daughter Lydia. For some reason, they do not have these same expectationa of their older son or younger daughter. The father views his older son as a version of his younger self, and therefore seems to think his son can't be successful since the father failed to complete his dreams. The younger daughter was not a planned pregnancy and is an afterthought throughout the book.

This novel could truly have been set in the present day instead of in the 70's. Although the author makes it seem as if being a mixed-race family in a small town is the root of many of the family's problems, I did not see this as the case at all. The family's problems seem to stem from the failure of the parents and their attempts to live vicariously through their daughter, which can happen in any family. This is the TRUE theme of the novel. While the author reiterates how the children are isolated at school because of their mixed ethnicity, I find this hard to believe - even in the 70's. In the 70's, there were many black and Japanese groups living in the area (either to escape the worst of racism or to take advatage of the farming opportunities), as well as diverse European ethnic groups. (However, I can understand the family being stared at or judged when venturing out as a unit.) Lydia's older brother is very protective of her. I find it hard to believe that he is not jealous of her when he is constantly being shafted by his parents and picked on by his dad. The baby of the family is often the most spoiled and coddled. Instead, Lydia's younger sister is invisible to her family. She is also protective of Lydia instead of being jealous of everything Lydia gets and she doesn't. There is a lot of love and no competition between the siblings. I find this impossible to believe. I too come from a 3 child family of 1 boy and 2 girls and we were constantly competing for the love and affection of our parents, as well as competing against each other.

Lastly, the author could have done a better job with Lydia's death. Without giving anything away, her death is linked to an event in her childhood. That event from her childhood should have been more detailed and better explained. As it stands, the connection is so tenuous that it borders on ridiculous.

This novel could truly describe any family in the present day and age. Don't read this novel for a cultural experience or to read about what the 70's were like. Read it to see how parents project their dreams onto their kids and the effect that has on the kids. While parts of the novel could have been better thought out, the writing and editing itself was good. I'd give this book 3 stars.

[Laurawrites33]

I came across this book as a promotion done by Ford for audible. The book began on a jarring note, And drew me right in. However, as the book continued, the plot seemed to drag a bit, though I grew to care enough about the characters that I wanted to find out what happened next.

This is definitely a story about a family imploding, and the writing is truly lovely.

If I could change anything about the novel - I didn't need a happy ending, just a flicker of hope that things could get better for at least one person in this family.

[bookowlie]

I read this book last fall. It's nice to reading everyone's opinions. I thought the book was OK, but I thought it could have had a better ending. In the hands of a better writer, I think the subject matter could have been turned into a much better story.

Starlite1033 - I agree with you that I didn't care for the way the author explained Lydia's death.

[Rizbi]

I love this book. It gave the impression of a typical whodunit in the opening, but it really isn't. I especially like how the book explores a lot of issues (race, love, grief & identity) and that all its characters are distinctly flawed - and they all stayed with me even after a week of finishing the book.

Quite remarkable for a debut work.

[bookowlie]

I actually read this book for a second time this week, as it was my book club's monthly pick. Birksmle13, I agree with you that the characters never developed. Each character never moved past their particular flaws. For me, it was just the sad story of a dysfunctional family. The reasons for the dysfunction were interesting, but none of the characters, except maybe Nath, were able to grow.

[suzanneseidel]

Birksmle13! That's why I didn't like any of the characters - there was no growth! And, like you mentioned, the culture of the time did place huge expectations on each of the characters (as well as their parents) but it was really frustrating to know that all Lydia had to do to save her own life was speak up! Stand up for herself! Tell the truth! Which was all Marilyn had to do, too! It was a very frustrating book that I did not enjoy reading. I only felt frustrated by the ending. What a horrible reason for a young girl to die.

[T0neil01]

This novel drew me in when I read the first sentence, "Lydia is dead." I am very interested in crime/thriller novels so I assumed this would be something that would interest me. Unfortunately the book doesn't really focus on this aspect. Everything I Never Told You is more about how every decision affects all of these people and leads us to different moments. For about half of the book I kept waiting and waiting for the mystery to start but it seemed to drag on about Lydia's parents childhood and things that seemed irrelevant. Eventually, I realized that this book was more about the dynamic of families and how the way each of us is raised not only affects us but will then influence our childrens, siblings, and even friends lives.

I enjoyed reading this book and seeing a new perspective of families. This book helped me to understand that every family has issues even if it all seems like people have a perfect life.

I ended up really feeling attached to the characters but felt sad because it seemed like all of the characters were doomed for sad lives. I wish there had been a chapter that told us what ended up happening with the family. And with Jack.

I also wish that Jack's feelings would have been discussed more because I think that would also be an interesting twist on how things played out.