Could you date someone who doesn't read?

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Jennkies
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Re: Could you date someone who doesn't read?

Post by Jennkies »

I've dated a few men that don't enjoy reading. It didn't impact the relationship like you might think, but I prefer someone who does have some taste for literature. I typically get excited over books, but I am completely content keeping that joy locked inside until I can get to someone who will appreciate and understand my excitement. I don't really expect to meet someone, reader or not, that appreciates all the genres I enjoy. And I'm not sure I would love to be with a man that enjoys the chick novels I love.

Now.. give me a man that loves some of the books I enjoy (The Great Gatsby, To Kill a Mockingbird, The Hunger Games, etc.) and I would love to get lost in conversation for hours about books. Perfect.

However, I actually can get quite annoyed dating someone who loves to read different genres than me. Even if they are reading (yay!) if I see them with a book I would never be caught reading, I'm like "Oh... wow." Haha. It's just a personal preference, but there has to be a little common interest in the genre too.
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Post by literarycat »

Scott wrote:Could you date someone who doesn't read? I don't mean someone who can't read, but someone who chooses to read almost nothing, and who almost never reads a book. Could you get into a romantic relationship with such a person?

I doubt that I could. I could never get emotionally close to a person who doesn't read books, mainly because we could never discuss a specific book, and the person would never be able to take any of my recommendations let alone make any recommendations of their own to me.
I don't think I could. Like you said we wouldn't be able to discuss a book and they wouldn't understand how I could get so wrapped up in a book and form ideas on things the books talk about. Like with Gone Girl my boyfriend and I would talk for hours about the character development and Flynn ' s ability to bring certain deviant behaviors to life. I wouldn't have that with someone who chooses not to read. It's such a big part of who I am, something the other person would miss out on.
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Eyre-thee-well
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Post by Eyre-thee-well »

Well, considering I married a non-reader, I guess the answer is yes! I figure if he can put up with my answers to everything because I learned it from a book, that there might be a time or two that I didn't get things done around my house because I was too engrossed in my latest library loan, then he's a keeper even if he doesn't read. As long as he gets that I do and get wildly enthusiastic about books, we're okay.
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Ryankinasz
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Post by Ryankinasz »

I can't say much. I never used to read. I bought in to some weird view of masculinity that said I didn't need to. That being said, I don't really have any use for fiction books. They're hard for me to get into. Now, though, I think that someone who didn't read would hate me. I rarely turn on my t.v. because I'm either reading or writing.
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Post by moffatballerina »

I think that while I could date a non-reader, and have (some would look things up during text conversations to make it seem like they read), it's not the same and ultimately I can only see myself ending up with someone who reads. So much of my life, my time, and my conversation revolves around books, I don't see how I could ever function for a significant amount of time with someone who couldn't discuss, or understand my references, or even know what it's like to stay up all night to finish a novel. It isn't the most important thing, but it's pretty damn high up on the list.
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Paulafer120
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Post by Paulafer120 »

I married someone who doesn't read more than a car magazine and while I wish we had more in common when it came to this area I realize that it's not a part of who he is like it is me. He loves to listen to me talk about books I've read and sees that they make me happy but sometimes he doesn't understand the feeling of not being able to put it down when your at a good part that's the biggest issue we face.
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selenuhhr
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Post by selenuhhr »

Yes of course, some people just don't like reading and that's okay! The real question is, will he date someone who reads books after books and loves to go to libraries? I think that's harder to date than someone who doesn't read.
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Post by Levi »

selenuhhr wrote:Yes of course, some people just don't like reading and that's okay! The real question is, will he date someone who reads books after books and loves to go to libraries? I think that's harder to date than someone who doesn't read.
Great insight selenuhhr. We may be perceived as the ones harder to deal with by those who aren't quite so into reading ha ha interesting.
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canning+
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Post by canning+ »

Not an issue now, but I have been on the receiving end of "You read too much" more times than I can count.
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jjrb07
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Post by jjrb07 »

I am currently in a committed, serious relationship with a non-reader. He hates reading. In his defense, he is ADHD and never learned the patience to sit and read. That said, he is extremely intelligent, and we have very deep conversations about everything (including what I am reading).

He is very into movies and TV as an art form, and he is also into video games. He takes his vast knowledge in those areas and meets it with my knowledge of books in the middle. IE- "So, I have seen everything ever made for Sherlock Holmes, and you have read everything involved in that genre, lets have a debate about his ability to solve a crime given these circumstances, and is this situation here possible..." type debates. Before I met him, I did not own a TV, now I do, and I have seen more and been exposed to more than I thought possible.

He still hates reading, but he loves hearing me read to him. I mostly read him non-fiction, sparking debates about things as varied as the starting conditions for WWII to Net Neutrality. I think the underlying issue with this discussion is that we equate reading with a studied mind. In today's world that simply isn't true.

Voracious reading is only one path to a studied mind, if we re-phrase the question to "How many people here could date someone they perceive as willfully ignorant?" everyone would say "uh, no" but with the availability of so many documentaries and other avenues of information, ignorance can be beaten back more and more without reading...
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mmoynes
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Post by mmoynes »

I just married someone who literally doesn't own a single book. My kids and I just flooded his house with our ridiculously large collection of books. It really doesn't affect our relationship. I always just considered it to be part of the differences in likes and dislikes that people naturally have. He's a avid fisherman and could spend all day every day out on a boat in the middle of the lake/ocean. Me, not so much.
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Post by yomnazz »

I used to think that I couldn't but I've changed my mind; I've come to embrace the fact that people take their fiction/escapism in different formats. :lol:
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Post by Levi »

jjrb07 wrote:I am currently in a committed, serious relationship with a non-reader. He hates reading. In his defense, he is ADHD and never learned the patience to sit and read. That said, he is extremely intelligent, and we have very deep conversations about everything (including what I am reading).

He is very into movies and TV as an art form, and he is also into video games. He takes his vast knowledge in those areas and meets it with my knowledge of books in the middle. IE- "So, I have seen everything ever made for Sherlock Holmes, and you have read everything involved in that genre, lets have a debate about his ability to solve a crime given these circumstances, and is this situation here possible..." type debates. Before I met him, I did not own a TV, now I do, and I have seen more and been exposed to more than I thought possible.

He still hates reading, but he loves hearing me read to him. I mostly read him non-fiction, sparking debates about things as varied as the starting conditions for WWII to Net Neutrality. I think the underlying issue with this discussion is that we equate reading with a studied mind. In today's world that simply isn't true.

Voracious reading is only one path to a studied mind, if we re-phrase the question to "How many people here could date someone they perceive as willfully ignorant?" everyone would say "uh, no" but with the availability of so many documentaries and other avenues of information, ignorance can be beaten back more and more without reading...
Very insightful, this is the kind of passionate response that makes the threads here great, people agree and disagree without fighting like other social media forums, it is so refreshing.
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Post by krood10 »

I honestly don't think I could. Reading says something to me about a person. People who read are people who are curious and constantly learning. These people want to expand themselves and their minds. When a person says they don't read, that tells me they are not willing to try new things and are content with never being more than what they are right then. That's a red flag for me.
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Post by syuk »

My answer is yes. Not only did I date one, I married one. For me, different people have different interests. To date someone or have a connection with them, it's essential to have the same passion, but the passion doesn't have to be books alone. As long as you understand each other, the relationship will work. And besides I have many friends who are bookworms and I have joined many clubs, including the OBC, to expand my circle of readers.
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