Could you date someone who doesn't read?

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blushingmilk
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Post by blushingmilk »

My first true love is books, but my other true love, my boyfriend, has not even finished an entire book, or even read past the first couple of pages of one.

We've been together for 7 years and we have an awesome relationship - he's my best friend as well as all the romantic stuff, and I can vouch that while it is certainly not necessary for your partner to be a book-lover, what is necessary is that they respect your love for books - otherwise you may find yourself choosing between them (I've never seen a book give an ultimatum to their reader, but it would be interesting if it did - heehee).

I think it is interesting because my boyfriend and I dont have many surface common interests, but we do have similar outlooks on life and pretty much exactly the same core values. I think its fine if you dont have surface interests as your romantic partner - cos thats what non-romantic friends are for!

For example, I'd been telling him about the Carl Jung personality types, the Myer-briggs personality test for years, and he thought it was ridiculous, but when he was handed the test in his job as a compulsory personality test for employees he changed his tune!

Of course we're the opposite in every way except for both being extroverts (I'm an ENFP, he's an ESTJ) - but what is interesting is that according to the test we're made for each other! He keeps me grounded and stops me being carried away with my warped perceptions of people, and I persuade him to listen to his gut-instinct some of the time and prevent him from being too close-minded and rational about certain things!

So if you're worried about your partner not being able to read, go for something a bit deeper like a personality type test or I dunno, maybe a couple of dates with an open mind even if she/he DOESNT read, to better signal what your chances are at having a meaningful relationship, and if you have to, leave the book discussions to all your other booklover friends!

"If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world."
*~ C. S. Lewis
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sleepydumpling
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Post by sleepydumpling »

Hey! I'm an ENFP too! So is the guy I'm seeing, and my best friend!
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Coraline
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Post by Coraline »

I can date a guy who doesn't like reading (I did in the past), but I can't date a narrow minded and dummy person. I would have a lot of fight with a guy like this. The most important thing is that guy doesn't make fun of my reading habit. He should appreciate my hobby. Maybe I will discuss something about a book that I read, so that guy should be a good listener.
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blushingmilk
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Post by blushingmilk »

ENFPs are quite obviously, the most favrouable of all the personality types


TEE-HEEEE!! :d
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"If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world."
*~ C. S. Lewis
monster
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Post by monster »

It doesn’t really matter to me as long as the person is a good listener and most that do listen are humble people with good hearts and a simple approach to things in life. I know many people who don’t really read much but yet are very bright individual people who are good listeners and from that they learn a lot.
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Post by SeoulChild »

It really depends! Aptitude doesn't always define personality y'know? I think I could happily date someone who didn't read...but I couldn't date someone who didn't have the same excitement I have for reading for something that they do!! In the end though, I guess I would have to prefer someone who knows how to appreciate a good book...

But I mean that only as long as they don't pull the condescending-I-will-ONLY-read-authors-you've-never-heard-of bit lol...
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clarebear
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Post by clarebear »

It would be a dream to meet in real life someone who loves reading as much as me, let alone date or fall in love with someone like that. Thats fantasy territory.

Once I was in my room with a boy, he was looking around, and he came out with "Wow you have loads of books. Reading is SO gay!"
I think he was joking, but needless to say I didn't see him again.
"There must be quite a few things that a hot bath won't cure, but I don't know many of them." Sylvia Plath
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Scott
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Post by Scott »

clarebear wrote:Once I was in my room with a boy, he was looking around, and he came out with "Wow you have loads of books. Reading is SO gay!"
Yeah, I guess I could probably work it out with someone who doesn't read much, maybe because they are too busy or such. But I could never have a meaningful relationship with someone who thinks reading is stupid or whatnot.
"That virtue we appreciate is as much ours as another's. We see so much only as we possess." - Henry David Thoreau

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sleepydumpling
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Post by sleepydumpling »

SeoulChild wrote:But I mean that only as long as they don't pull the condescending-I-will-ONLY-read-authors-you've-never-heard-of bit lol...
Oh yes! I can't stand that! I can't stand those that sneer at popular or modern fiction either. Reading is always good, doesn't matter what it is.
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SeoulChild
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Post by SeoulChild »

I definitely agree!! I wouldn't feel comfortable around someone who was so judgemental...not that standards are at all a bad thing!
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KaeMartyndale
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Post by KaeMartyndale »

I am fascinated by this discussion. And, I am surprised that so many people would not be open to dating a non-reader. I'm not saying its wrong, just that I didn't expect it.

My boyfriend reads occasionally. He does a lot of buying books, and not a lot of reading them. However, although I definitely read more than he does, I also know that we are still matched fairly closely on intellectual level. We have totally different sets of knowledge, but we are both intelligent. He has a degree in Wildlife Biology, and mine is in Psychology. But I love that he knows all of these things that I don't! He has answers for many of the random questions that I ask daily (and kicks butt on trivia questions :P).

PS - I hope this makes sense. I'm running on very little sleep. Oh, and also, I'm a INFJ.
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sleepydumpling
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Post by sleepydumpling »

It even makes sense to me Kae, as an ENFP!
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sportsguy33
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Post by sportsguy33 »

I could, because it wouldn't bother me if my spouse was an avid reader or not, as long as she done some kind of reading. And why I say "some kind" is because you get news from reading that you can't get on television (the "inside scoop" the other way) in the newspaper. More lines and no time limit.

Some people initiate conversations with books, my mainstay is sports.
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awelker
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Post by awelker »

the guy that i am dating is a reader, we recommend books to each other and borrow them too.
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Tracey Neal
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Post by Tracey Neal »

Wow. I feel so freakin alone right now :( But the idea of dating someone who reads also, would be ideal for me, to share books, I think that sounds sweet and romantic :)
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