Could you date someone who doesn't read?

[esawyer]

I could date someone who doesn't read, but I can't date someone who's not a musician. That's just too twisted for me, sister.

I've dated a couple of musicians, and I'm one myself. Problem is, we played different styles (they were more folksy and I was folksy/weird while also doing instrumental electronic stuff), so it was kind of difficult to relate. Listened to the same music, but couldn't relate in the same way. Plus, I'm not trained making it all sorts of confusion.

So, I feel like I can relate more with reading because it's easier for me to relate even if you're reading different things. I'm more open to books than to playing music with others... very individualistic.

[Stellariffic]

I've always considered dating a guy who read to be a fantasy. I only meet a few who do read for pleasure, and they don't turn out to be the people that I have chemistry with. So to all of you who can't imagine any other way... I am jealous.

I am married to a man who never reads books. He only reads the paper on articles on line. It works out just fine. I am not into sports and while he is watching a game on TV, I read to my heart's content. It is not necessary and probably impossible to have every hobby or interest in common with your mate as long as you have a mutual respect about it. It gives you a little time to yourself.

[CaryMorton]

I don't think I could. There's a certain amount of intelligence I relate to avid readers. I don't understand people who don't read, and I'll admit that most of the time when I see someone who hates reading, or chooses not to read, I generally think of them as below average intelligence.

[Fran]

I don't think I could. There's a certain amount of intelligence I relate to avid readers. I don't understand people who don't read, and I'll admit that most of the time when I see someone who hates reading, or chooses not to read, I generally think of them as below average intelligence.

Not only do I strongly disagree with you but I find your comment both arrogant and patronising. I personally know many people who, for a variety of reasons, do not share my personal love of reading and most of them are certainly not below average intelligence. Indeed in a number of instances they would be well ahead of what is considered the average.
I ask you to consider how you would feel if someone decided arbitrarily that you were below average intelligence purely on the basis that you did not share their interest in sport, cooking, astronomy, fishing, bird watching or oragami, I am sure you would feel it was a grossly unfair and restrictive assessment .... and rightly so.

[CaryMorton]

Fran, please understand that i'm not saying those things are true. People who don't read books aren't necessarily stupid - but i'm admitting as a person that a fault of my own is when I see someone who doesn't have that need to read or doesn't enjoy books, it automatically sticks in my head that maybe they aren't as smart as someone who does. I realize that that's just me stereotyping and it isn't necessarily true, it's just a gut reaction. I don't personally feel I have anything in common with someone who can't read.. just like I don't have anything in common with someone who avidly watches sports. I don't like sports. I didn't mean to come across as saying "people who don't read are stupid. period." I hope you can understand where I'm coming from and not make assumptions about my outward meaning by those few words alone.

[Rei72]

I was married to my husband for 17 years, and he didn't like to read at all. He saw it as a waste of time. Now I realize that was, to a point, part of his whole persona that made us incompatible. I hardly read anything while I was married, because I compromised that part of me to find something we could both enjoy...years later I realized that I had done all the compromising in all aspects of my life...reading and enjoying books is one of the main reasons I'm in the relationship I'm in right now. We enjoy every aspect of it. We are always thinking of new topics, ideas, new ways of thinking and seeing things. It's part of our personality. I can't say everybody will experience things how I did, but I grieve the time in which I chose not to read and enjoy books, because to me, that person was just not me...and that is something you should never compromise...

[heryhmk]

It doesn't really matter to me. I could date someone who doesn't read as long as they respect me for my decision to read, just like I would respect their decision to NOT read. My boyfriend respects my decision to read and actually encourages me to continue reading; he thinks it's HOT that I'm a bookworm. He reads but not books, he reads magazines, online forums, news, etc.

[NerodicNetta]

Not a problem since I have dated guys that don't read or find reading boring. But is sure helps to have something to talk about.

[ayotha1970]

...yes I do and it seems not to be a problem, thought though he'll be influenced but after 4 years nothing has changed .

[jcogan16]

Yes! I have been trying to pull my significant other into reading again. But he has had some horrible past experiences. It is a hobby for me, something he gets from watching tv.

[Sherelle]

Interesting question! And interesting responses! The issue for me would be that I read a lot, and what my partner would be doing all that time while I'm reading if we're together. I would never give up something I enjoy so much, or do for a living to entertain another person. So, it would be so much more satisfying if he loved to read as well and we can discuss what we read. If I'm reading in bed and he's watching tv, it would be a distraction. Besides there's nothing more romantic than spending a rainy Sunday in bed reading the papers and eating, drinking wine, and discussing what we're reading!

[leverett]

Well, I guess I could because I ended up marrying one of those 'choose-not-to read'ers. Really, it's not a big deal, I get to discuss my reading with others in my life and my husband and I can connect (intellectually folks, settle down) on other subjects. One thing though, he doesn't understand that when I'm reading I don't want to be interrupted to discuss the weather, what's for supper, what's on tv........

[shadedragon]

so long as they are willing to dabble in books, or be willing to pretend to listen while I go on about all the awesome books I've been reading and learning stuff about
but in all seriousness, I have yet to meet a guy who really doesn't enjoy some type of reading, or writing, or poetry

[rachel5]

It depends. I could try to date someone who doesn't like reading, but only if they don't try to convince ME to stop reading. Then I would call it quits. Everyone is entitled to love or hate what they want to, compromise is how you balance it out.

[frenchrose50]

When I was younger I always thought that I would never be able to date or be in a relationship with anyone that didn't love reading as much as I do. Little did I know I would end up with a man that hardly reads at all. I think what makes it work for us is his support of my reading habits, he isn't one of those people that turns their nose up at reading as something "dull" and "boring", it just isn't something that he enjoys very much. Another reason that this works for us, is the fact that he isn't an idiot, though he doesn't like to read, he stays informed and thinks critically about what's going on in the world as well as staying up to date on any developments in his field. It also doesn't hurt that he finds my reading and constant search for knowledge to be one of my sexiest qualities.